Can my child choose which parent to live with in Connecticut?

It’s one of the most common and heart-wrenching questions parents ask during a divorce: "Can my child choose which parent to live with?" In Connecticut, the direct answer is no. A child, regardless of their age, does not have the absolute legal right to decide their own custody arrangement. However, that doesn't mean their voice is ignored.

The court’s primary focus is always on the best interests of the child. While a child's preference is an important piece of that puzzle, it's just one of many factors a judge will consider. A Connecticut court will listen to a mature child's wishes, but the final decision about the parenting plan rests solely with the judge. This approach ensures that the final custody order is based on a comprehensive view of the child's overall well-being, not just their preference at a single moment in time.

This article will walk you through how Connecticut law handles a child's preference in custody cases, how their voice is heard by the court, and what factors influence the weight of their opinion.

Understanding the "Best Interests of the Child" Standard

In any Connecticut divorce process involving children, every decision about custody and parenting time is guided by a single legal principle: the "best interests of the child." This standard is outlined in Connecticut General Statutes (C.G.S.) § 46b-56. It’s not a simple checklist but a broad framework that allows a judge to look at the entire family situation to determine what arrangement will best support a child's health, happiness, and development.

The law doesn't give any single factor more importance than another. Instead, the court weighs them all to create a complete picture. According to C.G.S. § 46b-56(c), the court may consider factors including:

The child's temperament and developmental needs.
The capacity of each parent to understand and meet the child's needs.
The wishes of the child's parents.
The past and current relationship between the child and each parent.
The willingness of each parent to encourage a relationship between the child and the other parent.
Any manipulation or coercive behavior by a parent to involve the child in the dispute.
The child's adjustment to their home, school, and community.
The mental and physical health of everyone involved.
The physical and emotional safety of the child.

Crucially, the statute explicitly includes "(4) any relevant and material information obtained from the child, including the informed preferences of the child". This is the legal foundation that allows a judge to consider whether your child can express a desire to live with one parent over the other in Connecticut.

Connecticut Law: How Much Does a Child's Preference Matter?

While the law allows a child's preference to be heard, it intentionally avoids setting a specific age at which a child can choose a parent in Connecticut. There is no magic number—not 12, 14, or 16—where a child's wish automatically becomes law. The court's approach is more nuanced and focuses on the child's maturity and the reasons behind their preference.

The Child's Wishes and "Sufficient Age"

Two key statutes highlight how a child's preference is handled:

C.G.S. § 46b-56(c): As mentioned, this statute lists "the informed preferences of the child" as a factor in determining their best interests. The word "informed" is key—it suggests the court wants to know if the child's preference is based on mature reasoning rather than a whim or parental influence.
C.G.S. § 46b-57: This statute, which deals with third-party intervention in custody cases, reinforces the principle, stating that the court shall be "guided by the best interests of the child, giving consideration to the wishes of the child if the child is of sufficient age and capable of forming an intelligent preference."

Together, these laws tell us that for a child's preference to carry significant weight, the court must believe the child is mature enough to have a well-reasoned, intelligent opinion about their own living situation.

How a Child's Voice is Heard in Court

Understanding that a child's preference matters is one thing; knowing how that preference is actually communicated to the judge is another. The court system has specific procedures to hear from a child without forcing them into the traumatic experience of testifying in an open courtroom against one of their parents.

Here are the primary ways a child's voice is presented to a Connecticut family court:

1. Attorney for the Minor Child (AMC)

In contentious custody cases, the court may appoint an Attorney for the Minor Child (often called an AMC). An AMC is a lawyer whose sole client is the child. Their job is to represent the child's wishes and advocate for their stated preferences.

Role: The AMC meets with the child, listens to their concerns and desires, and then communicates those wishes to the court and the parents' attorneys. The AMC acts as the child's legal voice in the proceedings.
Appointment: The court can appoint an AMC on its own or at the request of either parent (C.G.S. § 46b-54).
Cost: The parents are typically responsible for paying the AMC's fees, with the cost allocated based on their respective financial abilities (C.G.S. § 46b-62).

Having an AMC is often the most effective way for a child to express their preference to live with a specific parent in a Connecticut divorce.

2. Guardian Ad Litem (GAL)

A Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) is another professional the court can appoint, but their role is different from an AMC's. While the AMC advocates for the child's wishes, the GAL advocates for the child's best interests.

Role: A GAL conducts an independent investigation by interviewing the parents, the child, teachers, therapists, and anyone else relevant to the child's life. They then write a report and make a recommendation to the court about what custody arrangement they believe is in the child's best interest. A child's preference is a major part of this investigation, but the GAL's final recommendation might differ from the child's stated wish if they believe it's not a healthy or safe choice.
Appointment & Cost: The process for appointing and paying for a GAL is similar to that of an AMC, governed by C.G.S. § 46b-54 and C.G.S. § 46b-62.

3. Custody Evaluation

The court can order a comprehensive custody evaluation, which can be performed by the court's Family Services Unit or a private mental health professional. The evaluator conducts a thorough investigation, similar to a GAL, and provides a detailed report with recommendations to the court. A significant part of this evaluation involves speaking with the child to understand their perspective and preferences.

4. In-Camera Interview with the Judge

In some rare cases, a judge may choose to speak with a child directly in their chambers. This is called an "in-camera interview." It is a private conversation, usually with only the judge, the child, and the child's AMC or GAL present. The parents and their attorneys are not in the room. This method allows the judge to assess the child's maturity and hear their preferences firsthand in a less intimidating setting than a courtroom.

Important Considerations That Affect a Child's Preference

Even when a child clearly states a preference, the court will dig deeper to understand the context. The weight given to the child's choice depends heavily on several factors.

Age and Maturity: This is the most significant factor. The preference of a 16-year-old who can articulate thoughtful reasons for their choice will carry far more weight than the preference of a 7-year-old who wants to live with the parent who has fewer rules. There is no set age, but generally, the opinions of teenagers are given more serious consideration.
The "Why" Behind the Choice: The court will scrutinize the child's reasoning. A preference based on maintaining stability, staying in the same school, or being closer to friends and activities is more compelling than a preference based on superficial reasons, like which parent has a bigger house or buys more gifts.
Parental Influence: A judge is always on the lookout for parental alienation or manipulation. C.G.S. § 46b-56(c)(8) specifically directs the court to consider "any manipulation by or coercive behavior of the parents in an effort to involve the child in the parents' dispute." If the court suspects one parent is pressuring the child or badmouthing the other parent to influence their choice, it will likely disregard the child's stated preference and may even view the manipulating parent unfavorably.
The Child's Overall Well-being: The court will not honor a child's preference if it would place them in an unstable or unsafe environment. If the preferred parent has issues with substance abuse, has an unstable work history, or cannot provide a suitable home, the court will prioritize the child's safety and well-being over their wishes.

Frequently Asked Questions About a Child's Custody Preference in CT

1. Is there a specific age in Connecticut when a child can legally choose which parent to live with?

No. Connecticut law does not specify any age at which a child's preference becomes binding. The court considers the child's age and maturity on a case-by-case basis. The older and more mature the child, the more weight their opinion is likely to have, but the final decision always rests with the judge based on the child's best interests.

2. What is the difference between an Attorney for the Minor Child (AMC) and a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL)?

An AMC is the child's lawyer and advocates for the child's stated wishes. A GAL is an investigator for the court and makes recommendations based on what they believe is in the child's best interests. These two things are often the same, but not always. For example, if a teenager wants to live with a parent who is neglectful, the AMC would still have to report the teen's wish, while the GAL would likely recommend against it.

3. Will my child have to testify in court?

It is extremely rare for a child to testify in open court in a Connecticut custody case. The system is designed to avoid this. Instead, the child's voice is heard through an AMC, a GAL, a custody evaluator, or a private interview with the judge.

4. How much does it cost to have an AMC or GAL appointed for my child?

Under C.G.S. § 46b-62, the court can order either or both parents to pay the reasonable fees for an AMC or GAL. The cost is typically divided between the parents based on their respective incomes and financial abilities. If a party is found to be indigent, the state may cover the cost.

5. What if my child wants to live with me, but the other parent won't agree?

If you and your co-parent cannot agree on a parenting plan, the decision will be up to the court. You can file a motion requesting that the court appoint an AMC or GAL to ensure your child's preference is properly presented to the judge as part of the overall custody determination.

6. Can my child refuse to follow the visitation schedule?

No. A parenting plan ordered by the court is a legally binding order, and a child cannot simply refuse to comply. However, if a mature child is consistently and strongly refusing visitation, it is a serious issue that should be addressed. It may be a sign of a deeper problem that warrants a motion to modify the custody orders. Ignoring the issue could lead to the other parent filing a motion for contempt against you.

7. How does the court find out if a parent is manipulating a child?

This is a primary focus of the investigation conducted by a GAL or custody evaluator. They are trained to look for signs of parental influence, such as a child using adult language to describe a parent, repeating complaints that sound coached, or expressing fear or anxiety that seems out of proportion. They will speak with teachers, therapists, and others to get an objective view of the family dynamics.

Getting Help with Your Connecticut Custody Case

Navigating a custody dispute is emotionally draining and legally complex, especially when your child's preferences are involved. It's critical to handle the situation with care to protect your child from the conflict and ensure their voice is heard appropriately.

An experienced Connecticut family law attorney can help you understand how a judge might view your child's wishes, guide you on the best way to present your case, and, if necessary, file the appropriate motions to have an AMC or GAL appointed. They can ensure the process is handled correctly and advocate for a final parenting plan that truly serves your child's best interests.

Conclusion

While your child cannot unilaterally choose which parent to live with in Connecticut, their informed preference is a vital factor that the court will seriously consider. The legal system prioritizes the best interests of the child above all else, using professionals like AMCs and GALs to bring the child's perspective into the courtroom in a safe and healthy way. The weight of your child's opinion will ultimately depend on their age, maturity, the reasons for their choice, and the overall circumstances of your family. By focusing on fostering a stable and loving environment, you can help ensure the final outcome supports your child's long-term happiness and well-being.